She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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