he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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