What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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