oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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