dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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