put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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