JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
