doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
