u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize