i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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