All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
