I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
