my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
