Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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