Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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