Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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