this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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