woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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