please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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