Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
