hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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