i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
