pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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