I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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