my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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