I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
