i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
