Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
