um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize