you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His nipple licking is glorious
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