there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
