Will you blow on my dice?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
