Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
