I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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