THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
