Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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