I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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