He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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