I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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