Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
