1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
