Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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