So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize