I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
