Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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