i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
