Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
