I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
