I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
