1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
