Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I see more hoeing in ur future
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