I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize