I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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