Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
