Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
