Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
