what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
