i don't like sucking hair
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
