just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Princesses don't give blow jobs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
