I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
