in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
