i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
