Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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