Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just google imaged poop.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize