So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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