Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
