my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
